astolat (astolat) wrote,
astolat
astolat

*THOR* primer!

OKAY PEOPLE HERE WE GO, EVERYTHING YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT *THOR* TO ENJOY

0) The Norse gods are actually an advanced alien civilization that happen to look like people, talk like Vikings* and mostly fight in armor and with axes and magic and things. The Bifrost (the rainbow bridge of Norse mythology) is a wormhole that goes to a bunch of planets.

* That is, with British accents and the occasional pseudo-medieval turn of phrase thrown in. I am sure this is very historically accurate.

1) This is Thor, excuse me, *THOR*:

*THOR*

Do not be fooled by the chiseled abs. Thor is basically a big golden retriever puppy who occasionally flips out and kills people evil giants and robots.

2) This is Loki:

Loki

Loki is Thor's little brother, and also a master of magic. As you might expect from the god of mischief, he likes to mess with people. Also turns out to be a sad emo woobie, wait for it.

3) There are some other people in the movie also:

Odin -- King of Asgard and Thor and Loki's dad, aka Anthony Hopkins

Sif -- awesome female warrior who is Thor's gf in the comics and his wife in the mythology, where she also possibly hooked up with Loki (at least Loki claims she did). She doesn't actually do much in the movie but stars in a bunch of awesome Loki/Sif stories.

Jane Foster -- astrophysicist on Earth, Thor's -- true love? something anyway, played by Natalie Portman, whom I have still not forgiven for her part in the Star Wars prequels. :P

Heimdall -- mysterious, stoic, and clairvoyant god who has control over the Bifrost (aka the Stargate) and who totally sees through Loki. He also doesn't get much to do in the movie but is played by the awesome Idris Elba.


4) Here is the totally not at all Loki-centric plot of the movie:


Odin tells his two little boys Thor and Loki about the awesome time when he beat the frost giants on their planet Jotunheim and stole their casket of awesome icy power and brought it back to Asgard as a trophy.

Fast-forward to present day. Odin has decided to retire. Thor is being crowned king of Asgard. Thor waves his giant hammer in the air. Cheer, cheer, goes everyone in Asgard. Thor grins at Loki who is off to one side.

As Thor is taking the oath, Odin stops and goes HEY SOMEONE IS TRYING TO STEAL MY CASKET OF AWESOME ICY POWER, and the whole ceremony is interrupted while they go to the treasury. Three frost giants have tried to break in and steal back the casket, but there is this giant superpowerful robot destroyer guarding the place and it fried them.

Thor says hey we should go to Jotunheim and teach them a lesson! Odin says uh, how about NO. Also, your coronation is OFF since you are a dumbass who wants to start a war over three random giants failing to steal my casket.

Thor sulks angrily in a corner. STILL NOT KING! Loki sidles up sympathetically and is all, I totally agree with you on going to Jotunheim, btw. It's too bad we can't do anything about it without defying father! As Loki hammers on the switch, a little lightbulb goes on over Thor's head. A dim lightbulb, but, well. He's pretty!

Thor and Loki and Thor's pals Sif and the Warriors Randomly Appearing In This Movie Three talk Heimdall into letting them take the Bifrost to Jotunheim, where inevitably Thor starts a big old fight. In the middle of the fight, one of the frost giants grabs Loki's arm, but instead of freezing him the way their touch seems to do to the others, it just makes him look like them (ie, blue).

They end up having to be rescued by Odin. Odin is Not Pleased. Thor yells at him and calls him an old fool. Odin takes away Thor's power and tosses him down to Earth to learn some freaking humility.

Thor wanders around on Earth drinking coffee and developing a meaningful relationship with the Queen of Naboo Jane Foster, an astrophysicist who keeps hitting him with her car. Whatever.

Back in the glorious CGI land of Asgard, Loki goes and pokes at the frost giant casket. It also turns him blue. Odin shows up and Loki wants to know wtf, is he cursed? Odin reveals that er, well, actually Loki is not really Thor's little brother. When Odin won the war, he found the frost giant king's baby lying abandoned crying and thought hey, I'll take him home and tell everyone he's mine!

This was possibly not the best idea Odin has ever had.

Loki reacts about as well as you would to discovering your whole life is a lie, your parents aren't your parents, your brother isn't your brother, and the reason you are kind of weird and don't fit in with everyone around you is that you're a member of the different species that is their worst enemy.

He unloads on Odin, who is overcome by guilt and collapses into the Odinsleep, which is basically a macguffin for getting Odin out of the way of the plot whenever necessary. This scene is 100% EXTREME AWESOME and you should watch this bit of it that is on youtube until they yank it:



Anyway, with Odin unconscious and Thor powerless on Earth, Loki is now king of Asgard. Sif and the Warriors Three suggest he bring Thor back. Loki doesn't think this is the most awesome idea he's ever heard.

Instead Loki goes to Earth to visit Thor, who has been captured by a government agency. He tells Thor that Odin is dead and that Thor has to stay banished from Asgard to keep the truce with the frost giants. Thor is VERY SAD ;__; and thanks Loki for coming to see him and wishes him luck ruling Asgard.

Loki proceeds to go pay a visit to the frost giant king Laufey (aka his real dad). It turns out Loki was the one who let the frost giants into the treasury in the first place. His idea was just to delay Thor's coronation, since Thor was totally not ready to be king. But now that it's gotten him THIS far...

...he offers Laufey a deal: he'll use his magic to help Laufey and a few pals sneak into Asgard and kill Odin, so Loki gets to stay king forever. In return he will give them back the casket. Laufey says deal.

Sif and the Warriors Three try to figure out a way to talk Heimdall into letting them take the Bifrost to Earth to rescue Thor. While they debate, Heimdall, who suspects Loki is up to something, sends for them and says get going. They find Thor, who has been let loose by the agency for vague reasons and is now living with Jane. They tell Thor that Loki is a big lying jerk.

Meanwhile Loki has figured that maybe Thor will find a way to get back his powers and that would suck for him, so he sends the destroyer robot to Earth to kill Thor. Thor pulls a martyr move and walks out to face the robot and says he's very sorry he did anything that made Loki want to kill him. The robot pauses and then smashes Thor down. Thor's awesome martyr move however has proven him worthy of his power, so he gets it all back, his magic hammer flies to his hand, and he smashes the hell out of the robot.

Thor races back to Asgard as the frost giants are creeping into Odin's bedroom to murder him. The frost giant king is about to stab Odin when suddenly he is blasted from behind -- by Loki, who is damn well going to PROVE he belongs in Asgard and is Odin's VERY BEST SON.

As Loki and Thor's mom Frigga hugs Loki and thanks him for saving Odin, Thor busts into the room and is all WTF was up with killing me! Loki says well, bro, we'll have to talk about that later, because right now I'm going to go DESTROY JOTUNHEIM BYE, and blasts Thor out a window.

Loki and Thor have a giant fight which ends with Thor pinning Loki down and then stopping his planet-destroying scheme by destroying the Bifrost (which means Thor can't get back to Jane who has become the love of his life). Thor and Loki are about to fall off the shattered end of the Bifrost into what looks like a black hole when they are caught by Odin, who is holding on to Thor, who is holding on to Loki.

Loki is all DAD! I WAS GOING TO DESTROY JOTUNHEIM AND MAKE EVERYTHING AWESOME FOREVER! :(

Odin does not approve. Loki has a lip tremble, and then he lets go and falls away into the abyss below.

Afterwards we see the Asgardians all hanging out looking at their smashed-up Stargate rainbow bridge. Sif condoles with Frigga on the loss of her son and looks weirdly kind of sorry that Loki is gone. Thor broods over how he can't get to Jane now and asks Heimdall how she is. Heimdall says she's looking for a way to reach him.

In the five second teaser after the credits, Loki is on Earth doing setup for the Avengers movie.


THERE YOU GO, now you can read norsekink and the Thor fic on the AO3 and watch talitha78's vid:




***THOR***!

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